The Life of a SMedium

Inevitably, I am NEVER a small or a medium. I incessantly fall into that awkward SMedium category. The small jacket will flatter my torso, but I will not be able to move from the full-attention position {for fear of ripping off either sleeve}; the medium jacket will allow me the mobility I need as a human being, but I will look like I'm wearing my husband's jacket in the mid-section. The small skirt will fit me in the waist, but I will look like a 13-year-old girl trying to show off far too much thigh under the belt line; the medium will make my hips look more age-appropriate, but it will be falling off my waist, exposing the not-so-cute plumber's crack {think Britney Spears circa 2003}. Disclaimer: I am at peace with my body {as much as any girl can be}. I am just not at peace with the SMedium size that does not exist. Here is a visual for anyone who is still not mackin' what I'm stackin' {seriously, try not to sing}:

All you tweeners know exactly what Chris Farley {and I} are talking about, and, frankly, I consider this a major life issue {yes, m-a-j-o-r}. One, I never know what size to suggest when people are buying me gifts {not to mention the fact that I wear an XS in J. Crew while managing to also fit into an L at Zara}. Two, I spend FOREVER in changing rooms {with far too many clothes than those stupid little placards allow}. I go back and forth and back and forth. I walk out with frizzy hair, the same amount of clothes, and the stench of indecision {this is a big reason my husband hates shopping with me}. Do I buy the small? Do I buy the medium? What if I'm having an infamous female "fat" day? What if I gain a little bit of weight? What if I want to wear this when I'm pregnant {I AM a newlywed!}? It's like buying sunglasses every single time I go shopping: this pair or that pair or this pair, wait, no, that pair {as the sunglass man rolls his eyes and silently prays for you to just make a decision!}. Well, if you haven't guessed this about me yet, I take my clothes very seriously. I mean, money does not grow on trees {at least that's what my husband tells me}. So, I have resorted to online shopping {when free shipping and free returns are involved} - I buy two of everything and return the unwanted size with a 30-day money back guarantee {thank you, Piperlime, Zara, Nordstrom, Zappos, and Amazon}. This way, I can get frizzy hair in the luxury of my own home.

A day in the life of me trying on clothes from a recent Piperlime haul {sizes appear in parentheses}:

{Piperlime, Nordstrom & Zappos} Pim & Larkin blazer (S), J. Crew Blythe blouse (2/XS) {old, but loving this here}, Kate Spade Barry skirt (4/S) & Nine West Wedges (8.5) {old, but loving these}

{Piperlime & Sole Society} Pim & Larkin tee (S), Kensie lace shorts (6/M) & Sole Society Elisa pumps (8.5)

{Amazon & Zara} Schutz rhinestone sandals (9) {sold out, but loving these} &
Zara cobalt ankle strap flats (8) {sold out, but loving these}

Jordan and I leave for our belated honeymoon tomorrow {woohoo!}, so strap yourselves in for some random traveling rants over the next couple weeks. Peace.